'What kind of people order the 148 piece pocket knife set on the Cutlery Corner infomercial?' he wondered aloud at 6 in the morning.
Social Media is the New Poetry Slam!
Customer Oriented, Results Driven, Tech Savvy, Designer/Writer GuruNinjaJediRockStar who is Fashion Forward and Smells Nice.
Are you the right candidate?
Do you have what it takes to work in a fast-paced, fun and energetic environment?
1.) Creating fresh, fun, eye popping, pants pooping, creative, but conservatively risk-less ad copy that attracts new clients with an eye toward retention in our B2B marketing campaign that is consistent with our brand’s “voice” but also expands into previously untapped markets by thinking “outside the box” and promoting synergistic relations.
2.) Work dynamically in a dynamic team of dynamos.
3.) Going both Left and Right at the same time.
4.) Answering to the Creative Head, the entire Marketing Department, the Sales Head, the President and CEO, the Board of Directors, our Shareholders, Linda in Fisting, and Flippy the Fish - our Office Mascot!
5.) Creating your own leads - Some cold-calling required.
6.) Attaining a transcendent state of inner peace.
7.) Blowjobs. Lots and lots of blowjobs.
Candidates Must Have:
1.) A Bachelors Degree (or higher) in Upside-Down Graphic Design, Freestyle Marketing, or Underwater Editing.
2.) 6.333 years experience doing everything listed above.
3.) Expert knowledge of Adobe Creative Suite, Corel Creative Collection, Auto CAD, MSOffice, HTML5, CSS3, Java, C++, LINUX, ProTools, ToolBox.AidKit G5, Santorum7, HPV, IScrote 4, TwatPumper Creative 2, and QuickBooks Pro.
4.) A breathtaking portfolio of both graphic design, and writing samples so customized to our company’s needs that we will swear that you were cyber stalking us for months before you applied.
5.) No less than 4 and no more than 5 professional headshots.
6.) An intimate knowledge of your anal canal.
Position is 100% Commission Based. The sky is the limit!
Send Resume, Cover Letter, Portfolio, References, and Offerings to our Lord MARDUK SON OF EA, SLAYER OF TIAMAT to:
I am giving serious consideration to getting rid of most of my shit.
It’d be a good way to cap off the year.
"…who wants cake?"
should be the only acceptable ending to
"I’m not racist, but…"
Taking down this month’s show…
Hang everything, I said.
It will look cool, I said.
Well wrap me up in swaddlin’ clothes and call me baby Jesus…
Well I’ll be hornswoggled, slathered in gravy, and served with a side of slaw!
Well blow out my slop trough and fill it with ju-ju beans!
Well Shuck mah corn!
I’m assuming that 500 is probably low considering the blog is almost 5 years old.
The FB event for Hoop’s night of destruction/re-construction. :p
A Small Sampling of My Growing Art Collection:
Raleigh Artists Edition
Not that many (any) of you guys would remember, but every now and then I like to show off pieces I traded for, was gifted, etc. from my fellow artist friends. This time around, I decided to show my undying love for my local scene, and brag about a few pieces I’ve got from the amazing folks I’ve shown with.
1.) Marwen El Hicheri:
Acrylics and Mixed Media on Canvas (L-R Clockwise)
‘What If God Were A Woman’, ‘Lady Liberty’, ‘Flesh’
Unfortunately, his impressive collection of fine art is not on
his website. Rather it is advertising for his digital/graphic
skills, but you can at least check that out here.
2 & 3.) Marty Matthews
Mixed Media Assemblage in Frame & Abstract Ink Drawings
‘Obituary’ (From the ‘Dark Matter’ series)
2 Untitled Abstract Ink Drawings from back when he was still
using his first name.
Being a true bohemian, Marty refuses to set up a
website. You can read a review of his latest show here.
4.) Jenn Hales
Print: Originally Acrylic on Canvas
‘Thar She Blows’
Forgive the fact that it is still wrapped in plastic. I haven’t got a
frame for it yet because I am a terrible person. Check out her
incredible illustrative talent here.
5.) Art Acrobat (Aka: Candace Pryor)
Collage on Wood
‘No More White Horses at Your Day’
One of my few fellow collagists in the immediate area! Check
out her work here.
One of the perks about being an artist who knows artists is that you can become an art collector even if you are relatively poor! I’d like to thank the wonderful and talented people I’ve met for keeping my walls interesting! I hope to continue to acquire the work of local talent in the future.
Tim Lee, Saba Barnard, Miriam Ximil, Luis Franco, Jared Carpenter, Louis St. Lewis, Rio Aubrey Taylor, are just a few of the many names I wanted to drop here, but I haven’t got my hands on any of their work…. yet! :p
Incidentally, the magazine I helped start/write for has done articles and/or interviews with every one of these folks… just in case you wanted to flip through some back issues. :)
And remember, Reverend Hoop Loves the Raleigh, Durham, Chapel Hill Area (and you)!
If I ever get to writing that ‘Great American Novel’
I hope critics hail it as a “Postmodern Pizza Party for the Cynical Soul”